I have long been a seeker, a seeker of truth, wisdom, and healing.
searching has taken me as far as I feel I can go with it, and I have
at a point where it has begun to feel old and outdated. Seeking
a habit, a hiding place, a wheelchair that I was sitting in to avoid
talk and expressing myself powerfully in the world.
I began to question my status of seekerhood at a Course In Miracles
Conference I attended in 1993. I had gone to my room to take a nap,
and I was awakened after ten minutes by a powerful urge to go straight
down to Tom Carpenter's workshop. Tom serves as a channel for
Jeshua Ben Joseph, more popularly known in this culture by the nickname,
" Jesus". I was excited! At that time I didn't often receive what felt
direction to go somewhere. I assumed I was going to get some pearls
wisdom at the workshop to assist me in my life. I walked into the room,
and Tom (Jeshua) was fielding questions. I held my hand high, and he
my eyes immediately.
"Do you have a message for me?" I asked. "I was woken up in the
of my nap and told to get down here in a jiffy. What am I to receive
from you?" I waited, opening my heart and mind for some pearls to come
forth. Jeshua answered, gently and clearly,"Why do you assume that
were guided to come here because you had something to receive? Perhaps
you were awakened from sleep because you had something to give."
His re-frame floored me. I had been seeing myself as someone who was
broken, and on a quest to be successfully repaired. Through the eyes
Truth, Jeshua saw me whole and complete, here on a mission to give
gifts. He invited me to make a quantum leap: to give up this business
needing to be fixed and, instead, be about my Father's Business.
Releasing the perception of myself as damaged goods has been a
continuing process for me. My ego is so quick to jump in and
evidence in the courtroom of my mind that makes a case for my
inadequacies. When I lend the power of my belief to such
self-prosecution, I am motivated to become a seeker, and, like a fish
going off on a search for the sea, I journey near and far to fix
something that isn't broken. The world is full of seekers, people
operating from the mistaken premise that there is something wrong with
them. As Swami Beyondananda is fond of saying,
"There's a seeker born every minute!"
My seeking has led me to all kinds of teachers, methods, practices,
books and workshops. I regret none of these life experiences, for they
all have broadened me as a person. But there came a time when all of
them seemed to be saying the same thing:
"Give up seeking, start finding.
Stop searching for truth, and start living it.
Stop fixing yourself, and start giving your gifts."
The problem with seeing yourself as a seeker is that no one ever comes
along and says, "OK, you have officially graduated from the school
seeking. You now are a powerful being, whole and complete, with
permission to extend your gifts and uplift the world." Or, if someone
does say that, you may have gotten so comfortable in the identity of
seekerhood that to just believe them and discard the role is too
threatening. But we all will discard it eventually. The call to awaken
is far too compelling to resist it forever.
Dr. Donald Epstein, founder of Network Chiropractic, reminds
his students to set goals not for what they want to get in life, but
what they want to give. When I set my goals and my focus on the gifts
I want to give, I magnetize all that I need from the universe to take
next step, and each step after that. I love watching how life supports
those who support life.
I used to believe that I must become perfect, or close to it, before
can offer myself to God and to the world. Now, although I still have
pesky inner critic occasionally trying to hold me back, I have fired
as my guidance counselor. I have learned to listen to a wiser and far
more loving guide within me. Now I can say, "Hey, I am not perfect,
I probably won't become so in the near future. I choose to give of
myself anyway, warts and all. God, use me thoroughly, all of me,
including my apparent weaknesses. In fact, let my warts serve as an
inspiration so that others might see me and say, "He's out there sharing
his gifts wholeheartedly, and with such obvious imperfections! Maybe
it's time to offer myself wholeheartedly as well."
It may seem outrageous and maybe even a little arrogant to behold
yourself as whole, capable and good enough just as you are, but there
no humility in the comfort of a wheelchair when you have been given
power to walk. I challenge you, if you have been sitting on your
potential, to rise up and walk, dance, serve and give of yourself with
all of your heart and soul. If you are waiting till you are perfect,
will put it off forever. If you dare to start living as if there is
nothing wrong with you, life will meet your dare and put you to work.
And in doing God's work, you will be far too busy and happy to spend
another moment trying to fix yourself.
We have been napping, you and I, and we have been dreaming a frightening
dream. In our nightmare it seemed that we were broken and guilty, and
now we are waking up to the truth that we are quite whole and holy
beings, warts and all. This is the quantum leap, the end of original
and the opening of the gates to heaven on earth. Please do not wait
another moment for permission to enter. It's your own consent you have
been waiting for.
Scott Kalechstein serves as a counselor, minister, inspirational speaker,
recording artist and singer-songwriter.
He travels through the United States, Canada and Europe giving concerts,
talks, and workshops, as well as presenting at conferences. Scott can be
reached at (760) 753-2359 or you may e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Scott's web site : http://www.scottsongs.com/
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